Assumptions

"I apologize in advance for the length"

I am in charge of picking up two other children from school, other than my daughter everyday. Ahh!, the life of a carpool Mom. It actually allows me the privilege to so many wonderful conversations. It offers the opportunity to share and teach them in a way that is casual without them realizing that I am teaching them. I love the conversations. I learn and they learn. They have incredible imaginations and ideas of how the world should be. I am one of those Moms that if I hear someone say something that is not right I get excited, because there is a new found opportunity to demonstrate something different. On this particular day my daughter Giordana and the other girl in the car (let us call her Jane) were discussing the other child (let us call him Jake) not liking another kid. Both Jane and Giordana have very strong personalities. The discussion started to become an argument, until I put a halt to it. This was indeed a great opportunity for the three of us to have a conversation about assumptions. Jane and Giordana insisted that they knew how Jake felt. Now, how could they possibly be certain if neither one of them is Jake? Jake had already been dropped off at home, and was not there to put his two cents in. I pointed out to the girls that neither one of them could be certain. They were assuming that they knew. So much trouble comes from assumptions. We always like to be right, so much so that we are capable of stepping inside of another person, and knowing exactly what they are thinking and feeling. I explained to the two young ones that they were not Jake, their little argument was senseless, and by the way what difference does it make anyway. I asked them why they were spending so much energy on what Jake felt and thought. Neither Jane nor Giordana answered. What was more interesting to me was that I realized that we do this as adult’s everyday. Don’t we? We spend a lot of time assuming to know and, discussing what someone else did, why they did it, what made them do it and so on. We like to analyze everything down to the ground instead of putting the attention on ourselves, and what would we like to create in our own lives. My experience has taught me that what is really happening in these situations is that no one wants to talk about the elephant in the room. Jane and Giordana were beginning to have an argument, because it was easier to argue than for them to discuss their pain. In simplest terms, they both have issues. They irritate each other. They have never had a discussion in regards to what bothers them about the other. They have just ignored it. Now, poor Jake is in the middle of them. Sound familiar? We many times lose our seniority to other people and then resent them for having it. We let things go that are really not o.k. We many times do not feel respected by others and we let it go. We do not feel appreciated and harbor resentment. Then when a situation occurs, we can talk and talk about them forever trying to figure out what makes them tick. We pull the incidents a part. Women especially do this with men. We do not want to rock the boat so we let it go with an excuse for his behavior. We do not really make our needs known, but assume that everyone knows what we need. We think if I am really good then they will finally notice me and they will want to give me time, love and appreciation. News flash! It does not work that way, and never will.

When you assume so much about another, you have really walked away from yourself. Your responsibility is you. If your energy is wrapped up in, assuming it is not in your creations. Never assume that you know what is going on with another person or, how he or she feels. You never really know. People hide all kinds of things about themselves. Instead, how about trying to feel allowing, and allow those people to be who they are no matter what. When you are allowing you also give yourself a gift. You can stand in your power. It is exhausting assuming what we do not know. Instead try being certain. You will gain energy and learn how to manage yourself.

Co-Creative Parenting

I happened to mention to a few friends, that I would love to move back to NY, how I discussed the idea of moving with my daughter, and she is onboard with the decision. I received a look of surprise that was both amusing and unnerving. Did I say something wrong? “But, you are the parent”, was the response that I received. Yes, I am the parent, but I believe in co-creation. I cannot create something that involves another human being that is capable of making choices, and expect a good outcome unless they are on board with my creation. My daughter and I co-create. Co-creation keeps the household that we share in joyous harmony. I am not saying that I do not have rules for her to follow. I am not saying that I do not insist that she does what I say. I simply recognize that certain decisions involve both of us.

When Giordana was little, I learned that if I forced her to do something that she was not in alignment with, the resistance was so great that I would work until the point of exhaustion and ultimately regret it. I believe that parenting should be a co-creative process. We are not the owners, nor the dictators of our children. We are meant to guide them through there experiences, and be there when they need assistance. We as parents are here to teach them how to move through the world with ease and success. The rest involves co-creation. For instance, if I think we need to create a new experience such as a new car, I let Giordana know what I am trying to achieve and she assists me in that creation. I started doing this with her when she was about 2 or 3 years old. . I would ask if I could speak to the wise Giordana (meaning the wise soul that existed within her). Her face would change, and I would then hear a different voice, it was funny. I would inform her of what I wanted to do, and then she would pause for a moment and say “o.k. it is done”, then go back to whatever she was doing. When children are small, they have an innate understanding of the Law of Attraction. They know how to create exactly what they want. We as adults destroy their understanding of this Law by telling them all of the reasons why they cannot have, or do something. Have you ever noticed the look on a child’s face when you tell them no? They always have an incredulous expression. We are meant to be creative beings. A child accepting no goes against their natural intuitive abilities. As adults, we forget how easy it is. For us it requires, discipline, and focus until we remember the ease. My form of parenting may be a bit different, but imagine creating your family environment without resistance. For this process to work, what is also required of me is to be open to different ideas. I have to be allowing, and willing to see other possibilities. I must be humble, respectful, and listen. I do not parent with control and manipulation. I parent with the understanding that we are all beings of light; we are connected and have a purpose. It works for me!!!

Homeopathic Remedies to Add To Your Cupboard

When my eldest daughter was young, I discovered homeopathy. She got sick quite often, and although herbs were nourishing for her, they did not seem to be enough. I am partial to the use of herbs, but I found that homeopathy is another great natural and affective healing modality. Homeopathy is the sister to herbs, and they compliment one another. I had a homeopath once tell me “if you do not see a difference in 24 hours or even by the end of the day, the remedy that you used was not the right one”. I am not discounting the use of herbal remedies. Herbs are like food for the body. Homeopathy works differently. Homeopathy is based on like cures like. For instance, the homeopathic remedy Apis Mellifica is actually honeybee. The honeybee is shaken and diluted thousands of times, so that what you have left is more like the essence of the honeybee. Imagine if you got stung by a bee the symptoms that you would experience. You may experience swelling, puffiness, burning, and may desire to have something cold placed on the infected area. Homeopathy is like giving that person what there body is already experiencing to tell the body what vibration it needs to use to increase the immune system. The body then responds by doing so, and healing begins. Otherwise, it is almost as if the body is charging all firing pistols up and hopes that it gets it right. How about only needing to fire one pistol with precision? That is homeopathy. The remedies come in different strengths. I prefer to use 30c or 30x. However, some stores only sell 9c. You can still use this strength. The interesting thing is that if you do not use the right remedy nothing will happen. The remedies are also completely safe. Homeopathy takes the emotional as well as the physical state into consideration. You will also find a couple of books to read on the subject at the bottom.

A few remedies are necessary to have in your cupboard. Below you will find a list with their uses. You will notice that the definition of uses is a mixture of emotional and physical symptoms. I have geared the usage towards children. The remedies can be used if there is or is not a fever present.

Aconitum Nappellus (Monkshood) – used in the first signs of illness, especially after cold winds or drafts. The seems to get sick suddenly. There may be fear or anxiety. Also used when there are moments of shock such as after a car accident.

Apis Mellifica (honeybee) – for sore throats that feel as though there is a piece of wood or stick in them. There may be a stinging or burning sensation. You may experience a scratching feeling in the throat upon swallowing.

Arnica Montana (Leopard’s Bane, Mountain Daisy) – use after injury or for surgery. I gave this remedy to my daughter right before they carted her off to the operation room prior to all of her surgeries, and immediately after she came out. It assisted in her recovery. It is also great for broken bones, bruises, or any other injury.

Belladonna (deadly nightshade) – The tongue is white with red spots like a strawberry. Skin is hot to the touch. May be red. Fever present.

Gelsemium Sempervirens (Yellow Jasmine) – feel and look paralyzed, groggy, listless, heavy, the eyes in particular seem to be droopy, no appetite or thirst is present. Wants to lay down. Very much used during the flu.

Hepar Sulphuris Calcareum – I use this one when the fluids from the nose appear to be opaque yellow or green. Headache above the nose in the center of the head. Sensitive to cold. Angers easily and whiney.

Pulsatilla Nigricans (wood flower)- if the child is weepy, clingy or whiney one moment and then seems fine the next. If they need you to comfort them one moment then seem as they do not need you any longer. Fluid from the nose is clear.

Books

Homeopathic Remedies for Health Professionals and Laypeople by Dale Buegel, M.D., Blair Lewis, P.A.-C and Denise Chernin, N.D., M.P.H.

Homeopathic Medicine At Home by Maesimund B. Panos

Kissed By the Faeries

Have you ever looked at your life path and noticed a common theme? I had an aha! moment today. Maybe not really an aha!, but a reminder. I was standing in the kitchen. I seem to spend so much time there. I was fussing about this very thing. I spend about, at least, 70% of my home time in the kitchen. I was washing dishes and making a young coconut drink with my favorite fruits. We have the sniffles moving about my house today. I wanted to give Giordana something nourishing. Next thing I knew, in addition to the drink, I was cutting up fruit for a fruit salad. I thought to myself, the drink is not enough she needs something on her stomach. Well, after the fruit salad I started making a healing soup. The simple drink grew. I have things to do…look at the time….o.k. I can use the crock pot…and then I can go out. I paused for a moment while I wiped off the counter, I smiled, I had just been kissed by the fairies. This is who I am. I make healing foods and medicines for people. Aha! I just cannot help it. I have always done it. It comes naturally to me. I made Love Is Oil to heal the heart and body butter to bring joy. As I move through the world and have experiences that touch me I create and share. When someone is sick or sad my spirit races to how I can serve them, and help them shift. There are times when I just sit still, because that is all that is needed, and others when I concoct something. Funny! I absolutely love it. Perhaps in another life I was one of those old wise women in the village that made the potions to heal all ailments. My neighbor warns people that if I invite them over for tea, “be careful you will become addicted”. She says, that” my tea is best, and why do I hide the recipe”. I tell her it is special. It truly is. I use it to welcome people into my life. I wish to warm their hearts while they are with me and send them away with soothing. Did you ever take a look at your path and notice a common theme? It is there. I promise you. I also guarantee that you will find more than one. I was kissed by the faeries today, and I am grateful.

Here is the recipe that I created. I am not great at measuring things out. I could by intuition and it is always different. However, I tried to be as precise as possible.

Healing Soup I

1 cup of red lentils
3/4 cup of barley
5 small carrots peeled and sliced
1 small to medium size leek chopped
2 tbsp of nutritional yeast (health food store)
1 1/2 tbsp of Hon Dashi (Japanese fish stock soup found in asian markets)
2 large dried shitaki mushrooms (found in asian markets)
3/4 tsp of cumin or to taste
4 garlic cloves sliced
1/4 cup of onion
1/2 cup of cilantro
Sea salt to taste
Black pepper to taste
Fresh Kale as much as you want
Hemp Seed (health food store

Place all ingredients except for Kale, onion and only 1/4 cup of cilantro into a crock pot. Fill crock pot with water. I prefer to use filtered water. A crock post will allow the seasoning to soak in, and everything to cook slowly, and maintain nutrients and taste. It will also allow you to go out and enjoy your day if you like. It will take a few hours to cook the lentils. You will know when it is done when lentils are soft. When lentils are soft add the onion, the rest of the cilantro ( feel free to add extra cilantro if you want, I add a lot, I love it), Chop the kale. Only cook the soup a little longer. You really only want the kale to get warm, not cook all the the way. This way you will get some raw veggies in. Raw veggies have the most nutrition. Feel free to alter the recipe as much as you want. You can add other veggies if you want. Spoon into bowls and sprinkle with hemp seed. Enjoy!

Children Call For Change

My daughter started 7th grade last week. There is such a great change in who she is now compared to last year. She and her peers are so much more aware of the world around them. They are beginning to question everything, and want to know why. They are paying attention to politics, and creating sustainable ideas to change the environment. I just love hearing about their ideas. I think that they are so much more conscious than we ever were. They are simply amazing. However, this does leave adults around them in a quandary. Change can be difficult. It is really easy to give a child a rule and tell them follow it, or insist that they do what we say, but not what we do. Guess what? How is that really working for us? It isn’t. These children are brighter and quicker. It is my belief that children are born to teach us who we are. They are here to challenge our ideas and belief systems so that we can grow, change and heal. My daughter’s classmates did just that.

The school put out a student handbook that had to be signed by students and parents. The students did not agree with the rules and regulations so they put together a petition against it. To my dismay, instead of the school using it as a teaching opportunity their solution was to remove the student signature page. I am so disappointed. This was such a great opportunity to teach. I had a vision of a student teacher debate, of teachers sitting down and picking apart the rules with the students, and discussing how to make them better and clearer. I saw a real democracy and progressive visionary thinking. I was so wrong. We are loosing our children in education, and in community. We need to realize that children are not dropping out because they lack the ability to learn. We cannot blame it all on parents or even on schools. We do not listen. We do not allow them to be heard. We are not interested in progression, and change. Rules are not meant to stand the test of time, but they are meant to be tested. If they did not our society would not be where it is. These children are being born to assist us in change. They are going to continue to make us pay attention, step up, and look in the mirror. I am what many may call a rebel parent. I teach my daughter to not take things at face value. Question the rules, not just follow them. I want her to make her own choices, and feel empowered to do so. I teach her to follow her own heart not what someone tells her. I also teach her how to practice discernment. Teaching our children is not just, about what we find in books. I always consider what kind of adult I am creating for the future. I call to parents and educators to step up, listen, and share. It is from your stories the children will learn. It is from listening to shall you. Have courage for change and growth. It can be miraculous.

The Loss of A Child's Imagination

What has happened to the pink horses, fairies, and goblins that existed when I was a child? Walking down the hallways of school’s I hear a lot of things, children’s voices, the laughter, and the awe. However, I am growing accustomed to hearing another sound. There is the sound of parents complaining about teachers, and teachers complaining about parents. The parents say that the teachers are not teaching their children or paying attention to them. The teachers are complaining that parents are not involved. As for the children, they are starting to sound like the adults. They are distant, and distracted. Whose fault is it that our children are no longer engaged? Some would say that it is testing; some would say that it is the lack of experience of our teachers or that they simply no longer care. I believe that children are no longer allowed to be children. Testing, our expectations, and our baggage have gotten in the way of that. We are the problem, all of us. We have stopped connecting on a level that is necessary to teach children how to dream and use their imagination. I have sat in groups with children and asked them to tell me about their dreams. I hear I want a Nintendo, or I do not know. How is it that we have simply forgotten how to allow the exploration of a fundamental principal, the imagination? It takes me several attempts before the children gain an understanding of imagination. They do not know what I am talking about. If I tell them to close their eyes and imagine something, what they imagine is having more money, getting a Gameboy, or eating Gummi Bears. Children are being taught that imagination and dreams are silly and to go sit in their boxes. I once stood in front of a classroom of 4th and 5th graders, and asked them to close their eyes. I told them that once they close their eyes they would be able to see magic. They looked at me and told me that they did not believe in magic. When I was a child, I could not wait for Sunday nights to watch a wonderful world of Disney. I wanted to see magic, sparkles, and dreams come true.


What kind of future are we creating without the idea of pink horses? Without pink horses, where does the visionary or the alchemist exist? Where will the Einstein’s and the George Elliot’s come from? What about Picasso and Monet, We all know that the skies in a Monet painting are not really that color, or are they? In one classroom, I worked with a child that simply fell asleep on a constant basis. I was told that he had narcolepsy. However, when I asked him what he dreamed about when he slept, his eyes brightened, he cracked a great big grin, and could not stop talking. I had never seen him with so much energy, and enthusiasm. Perhaps it is not narcolepsy that puts him to sleep, but boredom. He has not been engaged where it counts, in his imagination. I believe that we are failing our children, by not plugging into what is so great about being a child. Children have the ability to see what we cannot.


I have approached schools about starting programs that will really speak to children. The administrators want to stick the program into a special club, or they do not have the funds or the time. How could there not be a place for dreams and imagination. These are the ingredients for building a strong character. After all, if you do not have a dream how can you change the world. How can we create better cars or a new power source? If they tap into their imagination, and begin to use it they are told that they are being silly and need to grow up. We have stopped using our imaginations, and intuitions. We have stopped dreaming. Look at the results. We are living in a world that fear has over taken. Faeries and pink horses are needed to create what can be imagined. Faeries and pink horses are needed to change the fear. Hope is based on these ingredients. Change happens when we can see the impossible. The impossible is only obtainable when we allow ourselves to connect to our imagination, and ride the pink horses.