Co-Creative Parenting

I happened to mention to a few friends, that I would love to move back to NY, how I discussed the idea of moving with my daughter, and she is onboard with the decision. I received a look of surprise that was both amusing and unnerving. Did I say something wrong? “But, you are the parent”, was the response that I received. Yes, I am the parent, but I believe in co-creation. I cannot create something that involves another human being that is capable of making choices, and expect a good outcome unless they are on board with my creation. My daughter and I co-create. Co-creation keeps the household that we share in joyous harmony. I am not saying that I do not have rules for her to follow. I am not saying that I do not insist that she does what I say. I simply recognize that certain decisions involve both of us.

When Giordana was little, I learned that if I forced her to do something that she was not in alignment with, the resistance was so great that I would work until the point of exhaustion and ultimately regret it. I believe that parenting should be a co-creative process. We are not the owners, nor the dictators of our children. We are meant to guide them through there experiences, and be there when they need assistance. We as parents are here to teach them how to move through the world with ease and success. The rest involves co-creation. For instance, if I think we need to create a new experience such as a new car, I let Giordana know what I am trying to achieve and she assists me in that creation. I started doing this with her when she was about 2 or 3 years old. . I would ask if I could speak to the wise Giordana (meaning the wise soul that existed within her). Her face would change, and I would then hear a different voice, it was funny. I would inform her of what I wanted to do, and then she would pause for a moment and say “o.k. it is done”, then go back to whatever she was doing. When children are small, they have an innate understanding of the Law of Attraction. They know how to create exactly what they want. We as adults destroy their understanding of this Law by telling them all of the reasons why they cannot have, or do something. Have you ever noticed the look on a child’s face when you tell them no? They always have an incredulous expression. We are meant to be creative beings. A child accepting no goes against their natural intuitive abilities. As adults, we forget how easy it is. For us it requires, discipline, and focus until we remember the ease. My form of parenting may be a bit different, but imagine creating your family environment without resistance. For this process to work, what is also required of me is to be open to different ideas. I have to be allowing, and willing to see other possibilities. I must be humble, respectful, and listen. I do not parent with control and manipulation. I parent with the understanding that we are all beings of light; we are connected and have a purpose. It works for me!!!

Children Call For Change

My daughter started 7th grade last week. There is such a great change in who she is now compared to last year. She and her peers are so much more aware of the world around them. They are beginning to question everything, and want to know why. They are paying attention to politics, and creating sustainable ideas to change the environment. I just love hearing about their ideas. I think that they are so much more conscious than we ever were. They are simply amazing. However, this does leave adults around them in a quandary. Change can be difficult. It is really easy to give a child a rule and tell them follow it, or insist that they do what we say, but not what we do. Guess what? How is that really working for us? It isn’t. These children are brighter and quicker. It is my belief that children are born to teach us who we are. They are here to challenge our ideas and belief systems so that we can grow, change and heal. My daughter’s classmates did just that.

The school put out a student handbook that had to be signed by students and parents. The students did not agree with the rules and regulations so they put together a petition against it. To my dismay, instead of the school using it as a teaching opportunity their solution was to remove the student signature page. I am so disappointed. This was such a great opportunity to teach. I had a vision of a student teacher debate, of teachers sitting down and picking apart the rules with the students, and discussing how to make them better and clearer. I saw a real democracy and progressive visionary thinking. I was so wrong. We are loosing our children in education, and in community. We need to realize that children are not dropping out because they lack the ability to learn. We cannot blame it all on parents or even on schools. We do not listen. We do not allow them to be heard. We are not interested in progression, and change. Rules are not meant to stand the test of time, but they are meant to be tested. If they did not our society would not be where it is. These children are being born to assist us in change. They are going to continue to make us pay attention, step up, and look in the mirror. I am what many may call a rebel parent. I teach my daughter to not take things at face value. Question the rules, not just follow them. I want her to make her own choices, and feel empowered to do so. I teach her to follow her own heart not what someone tells her. I also teach her how to practice discernment. Teaching our children is not just, about what we find in books. I always consider what kind of adult I am creating for the future. I call to parents and educators to step up, listen, and share. It is from your stories the children will learn. It is from listening to shall you. Have courage for change and growth. It can be miraculous.

Being Senior of Who You Are

It all began as I pondered on what having seniority really meant. I found myself teaching lessons on that very subject only to have clients ask me questions around the same. I am always amazed at how the great mystery brings us the moments in which we find the answers we are seeking. It has been my experience that as I go through a stage of growth others around me also go through their own. Some how together we seem to complete the lesson, but on different paths.

I awoke one night in the middle of the night just like I have many a night with a powerful moment of clarity. In the wee hours of the morning, it comes as an incredible rush of adrenalin. It is as if angels are speaking to me. I always try to go back to sleep thinking that I will remember everything in the morning. However, a powerful force pushes me, almost tossing me out of bed, and refuses to allow me to find sweet dreams again until I obey. I have no choice but to fly out of bed as I channel this energy of certainty and write down every word that is being piled into my head. It comes so fast that I cannot even write fast enough. I cannot even speak it aloud. I just write as I am told. I am always astonished by what ends up on paper, or what comes through my fingers onto the key board. In any event, I am finally becoming so comfortable in my own skin that I am willing to share what I hear, or channel. I am still not sure from whence it comes.

Below is what came that night.

So, what does being senior of your space, and who you are really mean. Seniority is when we are masterful and certain as the moments of a day passes. When no one can come and say or do something to you that will knock you over with their actions or words.

You know that you have lost your seniority when you find that you are working really hard, and do not feel good about what you are doing. This applies to our jobs, events and relationships. We have all had those relationships with co-workers, managers, friends, families and partners that we found that no matter what we did to make those relationships work we were exhausted, tired, frustrated and miserable. To put it simply, when things are not flowing seamlessly you do not have seniority. When you are racking your brains at how you can do things differently, how you can or should change. When you are thinking what is wrong with me, why can’t I get this to work, what changes do I need to make to be heard, and/or accepted. When you are no longer having fun, you have lost your seniority.

Many believe that the way to cope is to shut down or detach. This will not keep your seniority. On the contrary having the ability to remain open in a way that you do not feel threatened or challenged in anyway will keep your seniority in tack. You can simply remain open, because you are o.k. In reality you are always o.k. it is the self limiting beliefs that you have agreed to that have convinced you that you are not. Being detached and, shut down places you in a position that you argue for your limitations of who you think you are. You never need to argue for who you are when you are certain and in seniority of who you are. When you walk in the world being senior of your space you create a space not only for others to see you, but also you create a space of allowing. You can allow others to be who they are, and walk the path that they need to walk.

Creating a space of allowing can be confusing to some. Allowing does not mean that there are no boundaries. It does not mean that you now become a doormat. Do not let that fear affect you. You can still have boundaries in which you choose what you want to happen and how. You still can say yes or no. However, the boundaries will be yours for the choosing not someone else’s when you have your seniority.

I am aware that some of you may be thinking that; I am going to become senior, and I am going to get back what I gave over, or what someone took. There is no need for this thinking or feeling. Just be senior from this moment forward. Begin to become aware of when you are not. Becoming senior is not puffing up your chest, tightening your fists so that you cannot be pushed over. This is your ego saying this will never happen again. I am not standing for it anymore. When you go to this place this also keeps you from being senior because you are still in a place of reacting. It is not necessary to react when you are senior. You can just observe and choose what you want. You can choose what experience you want to have. Being in your seniority will keep you centered and grounded. You will be in a place of surrender and safety that will present a state of well-being and happiness. It will feel good. Remember to feel not think, and be not do.

After receiving this, pictures of my own life where I was losing my seniority flooded through my mind. I was finally able to put to rest those situations that troubled me. The lessons that I was exposed to so that I may learn made sense. I got it. I hope that you too find this information helpful.