Assumptions

"I apologize in advance for the length"

I am in charge of picking up two other children from school, other than my daughter everyday. Ahh!, the life of a carpool Mom. It actually allows me the privilege to so many wonderful conversations. It offers the opportunity to share and teach them in a way that is casual without them realizing that I am teaching them. I love the conversations. I learn and they learn. They have incredible imaginations and ideas of how the world should be. I am one of those Moms that if I hear someone say something that is not right I get excited, because there is a new found opportunity to demonstrate something different. On this particular day my daughter Giordana and the other girl in the car (let us call her Jane) were discussing the other child (let us call him Jake) not liking another kid. Both Jane and Giordana have very strong personalities. The discussion started to become an argument, until I put a halt to it. This was indeed a great opportunity for the three of us to have a conversation about assumptions. Jane and Giordana insisted that they knew how Jake felt. Now, how could they possibly be certain if neither one of them is Jake? Jake had already been dropped off at home, and was not there to put his two cents in. I pointed out to the girls that neither one of them could be certain. They were assuming that they knew. So much trouble comes from assumptions. We always like to be right, so much so that we are capable of stepping inside of another person, and knowing exactly what they are thinking and feeling. I explained to the two young ones that they were not Jake, their little argument was senseless, and by the way what difference does it make anyway. I asked them why they were spending so much energy on what Jake felt and thought. Neither Jane nor Giordana answered. What was more interesting to me was that I realized that we do this as adult’s everyday. Don’t we? We spend a lot of time assuming to know and, discussing what someone else did, why they did it, what made them do it and so on. We like to analyze everything down to the ground instead of putting the attention on ourselves, and what would we like to create in our own lives. My experience has taught me that what is really happening in these situations is that no one wants to talk about the elephant in the room. Jane and Giordana were beginning to have an argument, because it was easier to argue than for them to discuss their pain. In simplest terms, they both have issues. They irritate each other. They have never had a discussion in regards to what bothers them about the other. They have just ignored it. Now, poor Jake is in the middle of them. Sound familiar? We many times lose our seniority to other people and then resent them for having it. We let things go that are really not o.k. We many times do not feel respected by others and we let it go. We do not feel appreciated and harbor resentment. Then when a situation occurs, we can talk and talk about them forever trying to figure out what makes them tick. We pull the incidents a part. Women especially do this with men. We do not want to rock the boat so we let it go with an excuse for his behavior. We do not really make our needs known, but assume that everyone knows what we need. We think if I am really good then they will finally notice me and they will want to give me time, love and appreciation. News flash! It does not work that way, and never will.

When you assume so much about another, you have really walked away from yourself. Your responsibility is you. If your energy is wrapped up in, assuming it is not in your creations. Never assume that you know what is going on with another person or, how he or she feels. You never really know. People hide all kinds of things about themselves. Instead, how about trying to feel allowing, and allow those people to be who they are no matter what. When you are allowing you also give yourself a gift. You can stand in your power. It is exhausting assuming what we do not know. Instead try being certain. You will gain energy and learn how to manage yourself.

The Feeling of Stuck

The feeling of being stuck for me is one of feeling like a caged animal. I become a large ferocious cat pacing back in forth in a cage waiting to explode. I hate the feeling of stuck. It makes me feel angry, and a little crazy. I can feel it in my whole body, straight down to my toes. When I have felt stuck, what comes with it is the overwhelming need to move. It is like wearing a suit that is too small. I cannot breath and, I feel restricted. I absolutely do not like limitations just as much as I do not like it when someone tells me that I cannot. You could say that I am even somewhat of a rebel. I do not like rules and regulations. Most of them make no sense. This feeling of stuck takes away my freedom, and my right to choose. Just like a big ferocious cat, I sit in my cage and wait quietly. I become really present, and observant of everything around me, and as soon as I see movement, I roar very loudly. My roar is so loud that the universe shakes and the stuck breaks a part. I wiggle, and slither to break free of the chains, and then I pounce. I use my frustration and anger as a catalyst for movement. I move my body. Gabrielle Roth says, “If you move the body the psyche will heal itself”. This has held true in my own life. The key is to find stillness in the movement. Moving within and watching the waves as they grow taller, and then shrink down. I have felt this feeling of stuck and watched others in this place. Some people allow it to beat them down and inertia sets in. Others run around in circles not realizing that the path they are on is leading back to the same beginning point. The commonality is that unless you allow change to float in and accept it like a lover you will stay in the dark. How do we embrace the change especially when it comes in like a tornado? I have sat back and evaluated my life over and over finding the places where the tornado blew through. We think that we can prepare for the tornado, but you really cannot. Life has a way of taking your preparations, throwing them out the window, and forcing you to create on the spot. I have reinvented myself so many times that I am surprised at myself. I never saw myself as the chameleon, but my loved ones would tell you differently. When my daughter Annika was born and I found out, she was ill. They rushed her off to a separate hospital from me. It took me days before I realized that the ground beneath my feet was shaking like an earthquake. The earth was sucking me in. I am one of those people that simply do what is needed and, necessary in the moment. It can be days before I realize the magnitude of what happened. With Annika, I think it took me years. It was not until I was no longer able to lift myself up that I realized the storm was forcing me into submission. It was not until I allowed myself to be cradled in the tornado that I began to regain my strength and find myself once again. Remember the ferocious cat? I have had no choice, but to learn what they know all too well. Cats know how to be patient and watch the tides and tornado's come in. My experiences have taught me how to sense them and flow with them instead of against them. There was a time that I fought them, how silly I was, and how painful it was. You cannot fight turbulent waters. They will take you over and consume you like fire, and you will drown. There is another way; it is called flowing. You take a deep breath and step right into the tornado, but you wait and observe like the cat looking for a place to plant your footing. At first, it feels as though you have no control, and you shake, you may scream and you may fall down. Then you get the hang of it, and the shaking becomes rocking, and you find your rhythm. The breath becomes calm and powerful. You begin to feel and hear the tide. You become one with it. Change happens and you realize that you are better for it. You look around you and the world looks different or have you become different. The ferocious cat becomes a kitten when it is set free, and you realize that you are the one that conjured up the storm. It was the only way for what you desired to appear. It was the only way to receive your gifts. It was the only way for you to connect to the deeper parts of the feminine within. This is the courageous Journey to a woman’s joyous life.

If you would like to learn how to step into the flow, please join and Denise Cooper me October 17th at 10:00 am where we will be sharing the secrets of finding a joyous life.

If you are ready to:
•Learn how your habits and sense of well-being are sabotaging your happiness.
•Learn how to say no, to what you do not want and say yes, to what you do want.
•Learn how to visualize what you want and let your vision inspire you every day.
•Learn how to relax flow in the middle of a storm.

Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting different results.
Are You READY for something different?

Workshop Cost: $179.00 includes meals and materials
$75.00 for overnight lodging

Location: www.medissage.org

For more information please contact me at donah@donahspassions.com. To see Denise Cooper’s blog visit http://coachhr.wordpress.com/