Co-Creative Parenting

I happened to mention to a few friends, that I would love to move back to NY, how I discussed the idea of moving with my daughter, and she is onboard with the decision. I received a look of surprise that was both amusing and unnerving. Did I say something wrong? “But, you are the parent”, was the response that I received. Yes, I am the parent, but I believe in co-creation. I cannot create something that involves another human being that is capable of making choices, and expect a good outcome unless they are on board with my creation. My daughter and I co-create. Co-creation keeps the household that we share in joyous harmony. I am not saying that I do not have rules for her to follow. I am not saying that I do not insist that she does what I say. I simply recognize that certain decisions involve both of us.

When Giordana was little, I learned that if I forced her to do something that she was not in alignment with, the resistance was so great that I would work until the point of exhaustion and ultimately regret it. I believe that parenting should be a co-creative process. We are not the owners, nor the dictators of our children. We are meant to guide them through there experiences, and be there when they need assistance. We as parents are here to teach them how to move through the world with ease and success. The rest involves co-creation. For instance, if I think we need to create a new experience such as a new car, I let Giordana know what I am trying to achieve and she assists me in that creation. I started doing this with her when she was about 2 or 3 years old. . I would ask if I could speak to the wise Giordana (meaning the wise soul that existed within her). Her face would change, and I would then hear a different voice, it was funny. I would inform her of what I wanted to do, and then she would pause for a moment and say “o.k. it is done”, then go back to whatever she was doing. When children are small, they have an innate understanding of the Law of Attraction. They know how to create exactly what they want. We as adults destroy their understanding of this Law by telling them all of the reasons why they cannot have, or do something. Have you ever noticed the look on a child’s face when you tell them no? They always have an incredulous expression. We are meant to be creative beings. A child accepting no goes against their natural intuitive abilities. As adults, we forget how easy it is. For us it requires, discipline, and focus until we remember the ease. My form of parenting may be a bit different, but imagine creating your family environment without resistance. For this process to work, what is also required of me is to be open to different ideas. I have to be allowing, and willing to see other possibilities. I must be humble, respectful, and listen. I do not parent with control and manipulation. I parent with the understanding that we are all beings of light; we are connected and have a purpose. It works for me!!!

Homeopathic Remedies to Add To Your Cupboard

When my eldest daughter was young, I discovered homeopathy. She got sick quite often, and although herbs were nourishing for her, they did not seem to be enough. I am partial to the use of herbs, but I found that homeopathy is another great natural and affective healing modality. Homeopathy is the sister to herbs, and they compliment one another. I had a homeopath once tell me “if you do not see a difference in 24 hours or even by the end of the day, the remedy that you used was not the right one”. I am not discounting the use of herbal remedies. Herbs are like food for the body. Homeopathy works differently. Homeopathy is based on like cures like. For instance, the homeopathic remedy Apis Mellifica is actually honeybee. The honeybee is shaken and diluted thousands of times, so that what you have left is more like the essence of the honeybee. Imagine if you got stung by a bee the symptoms that you would experience. You may experience swelling, puffiness, burning, and may desire to have something cold placed on the infected area. Homeopathy is like giving that person what there body is already experiencing to tell the body what vibration it needs to use to increase the immune system. The body then responds by doing so, and healing begins. Otherwise, it is almost as if the body is charging all firing pistols up and hopes that it gets it right. How about only needing to fire one pistol with precision? That is homeopathy. The remedies come in different strengths. I prefer to use 30c or 30x. However, some stores only sell 9c. You can still use this strength. The interesting thing is that if you do not use the right remedy nothing will happen. The remedies are also completely safe. Homeopathy takes the emotional as well as the physical state into consideration. You will also find a couple of books to read on the subject at the bottom.

A few remedies are necessary to have in your cupboard. Below you will find a list with their uses. You will notice that the definition of uses is a mixture of emotional and physical symptoms. I have geared the usage towards children. The remedies can be used if there is or is not a fever present.

Aconitum Nappellus (Monkshood) – used in the first signs of illness, especially after cold winds or drafts. The seems to get sick suddenly. There may be fear or anxiety. Also used when there are moments of shock such as after a car accident.

Apis Mellifica (honeybee) – for sore throats that feel as though there is a piece of wood or stick in them. There may be a stinging or burning sensation. You may experience a scratching feeling in the throat upon swallowing.

Arnica Montana (Leopard’s Bane, Mountain Daisy) – use after injury or for surgery. I gave this remedy to my daughter right before they carted her off to the operation room prior to all of her surgeries, and immediately after she came out. It assisted in her recovery. It is also great for broken bones, bruises, or any other injury.

Belladonna (deadly nightshade) – The tongue is white with red spots like a strawberry. Skin is hot to the touch. May be red. Fever present.

Gelsemium Sempervirens (Yellow Jasmine) – feel and look paralyzed, groggy, listless, heavy, the eyes in particular seem to be droopy, no appetite or thirst is present. Wants to lay down. Very much used during the flu.

Hepar Sulphuris Calcareum – I use this one when the fluids from the nose appear to be opaque yellow or green. Headache above the nose in the center of the head. Sensitive to cold. Angers easily and whiney.

Pulsatilla Nigricans (wood flower)- if the child is weepy, clingy or whiney one moment and then seems fine the next. If they need you to comfort them one moment then seem as they do not need you any longer. Fluid from the nose is clear.

Books

Homeopathic Remedies for Health Professionals and Laypeople by Dale Buegel, M.D., Blair Lewis, P.A.-C and Denise Chernin, N.D., M.P.H.

Homeopathic Medicine At Home by Maesimund B. Panos

Kissed By the Faeries

Have you ever looked at your life path and noticed a common theme? I had an aha! moment today. Maybe not really an aha!, but a reminder. I was standing in the kitchen. I seem to spend so much time there. I was fussing about this very thing. I spend about, at least, 70% of my home time in the kitchen. I was washing dishes and making a young coconut drink with my favorite fruits. We have the sniffles moving about my house today. I wanted to give Giordana something nourishing. Next thing I knew, in addition to the drink, I was cutting up fruit for a fruit salad. I thought to myself, the drink is not enough she needs something on her stomach. Well, after the fruit salad I started making a healing soup. The simple drink grew. I have things to do…look at the time….o.k. I can use the crock pot…and then I can go out. I paused for a moment while I wiped off the counter, I smiled, I had just been kissed by the fairies. This is who I am. I make healing foods and medicines for people. Aha! I just cannot help it. I have always done it. It comes naturally to me. I made Love Is Oil to heal the heart and body butter to bring joy. As I move through the world and have experiences that touch me I create and share. When someone is sick or sad my spirit races to how I can serve them, and help them shift. There are times when I just sit still, because that is all that is needed, and others when I concoct something. Funny! I absolutely love it. Perhaps in another life I was one of those old wise women in the village that made the potions to heal all ailments. My neighbor warns people that if I invite them over for tea, “be careful you will become addicted”. She says, that” my tea is best, and why do I hide the recipe”. I tell her it is special. It truly is. I use it to welcome people into my life. I wish to warm their hearts while they are with me and send them away with soothing. Did you ever take a look at your path and notice a common theme? It is there. I promise you. I also guarantee that you will find more than one. I was kissed by the faeries today, and I am grateful.

Here is the recipe that I created. I am not great at measuring things out. I could by intuition and it is always different. However, I tried to be as precise as possible.

Healing Soup I

1 cup of red lentils
3/4 cup of barley
5 small carrots peeled and sliced
1 small to medium size leek chopped
2 tbsp of nutritional yeast (health food store)
1 1/2 tbsp of Hon Dashi (Japanese fish stock soup found in asian markets)
2 large dried shitaki mushrooms (found in asian markets)
3/4 tsp of cumin or to taste
4 garlic cloves sliced
1/4 cup of onion
1/2 cup of cilantro
Sea salt to taste
Black pepper to taste
Fresh Kale as much as you want
Hemp Seed (health food store

Place all ingredients except for Kale, onion and only 1/4 cup of cilantro into a crock pot. Fill crock pot with water. I prefer to use filtered water. A crock post will allow the seasoning to soak in, and everything to cook slowly, and maintain nutrients and taste. It will also allow you to go out and enjoy your day if you like. It will take a few hours to cook the lentils. You will know when it is done when lentils are soft. When lentils are soft add the onion, the rest of the cilantro ( feel free to add extra cilantro if you want, I add a lot, I love it), Chop the kale. Only cook the soup a little longer. You really only want the kale to get warm, not cook all the the way. This way you will get some raw veggies in. Raw veggies have the most nutrition. Feel free to alter the recipe as much as you want. You can add other veggies if you want. Spoon into bowls and sprinkle with hemp seed. Enjoy!

Children Call For Change

My daughter started 7th grade last week. There is such a great change in who she is now compared to last year. She and her peers are so much more aware of the world around them. They are beginning to question everything, and want to know why. They are paying attention to politics, and creating sustainable ideas to change the environment. I just love hearing about their ideas. I think that they are so much more conscious than we ever were. They are simply amazing. However, this does leave adults around them in a quandary. Change can be difficult. It is really easy to give a child a rule and tell them follow it, or insist that they do what we say, but not what we do. Guess what? How is that really working for us? It isn’t. These children are brighter and quicker. It is my belief that children are born to teach us who we are. They are here to challenge our ideas and belief systems so that we can grow, change and heal. My daughter’s classmates did just that.

The school put out a student handbook that had to be signed by students and parents. The students did not agree with the rules and regulations so they put together a petition against it. To my dismay, instead of the school using it as a teaching opportunity their solution was to remove the student signature page. I am so disappointed. This was such a great opportunity to teach. I had a vision of a student teacher debate, of teachers sitting down and picking apart the rules with the students, and discussing how to make them better and clearer. I saw a real democracy and progressive visionary thinking. I was so wrong. We are loosing our children in education, and in community. We need to realize that children are not dropping out because they lack the ability to learn. We cannot blame it all on parents or even on schools. We do not listen. We do not allow them to be heard. We are not interested in progression, and change. Rules are not meant to stand the test of time, but they are meant to be tested. If they did not our society would not be where it is. These children are being born to assist us in change. They are going to continue to make us pay attention, step up, and look in the mirror. I am what many may call a rebel parent. I teach my daughter to not take things at face value. Question the rules, not just follow them. I want her to make her own choices, and feel empowered to do so. I teach her to follow her own heart not what someone tells her. I also teach her how to practice discernment. Teaching our children is not just, about what we find in books. I always consider what kind of adult I am creating for the future. I call to parents and educators to step up, listen, and share. It is from your stories the children will learn. It is from listening to shall you. Have courage for change and growth. It can be miraculous.

Two Tips Take Care of Your Children During Flu Season

As we are moving quickly into what is considered flu season, there is a lot of fear moving about in concern for the Swine Flu. Instead of spending your time worrying, I suggest that you spend your time thinking about good health. Worry only brings more worry, sadness, pain, and anger. Consider what health looks like for you, and your family. There are a few things that you can do for prevention to maintain your health, and boost your immune system. Last year when everyone around us was sick, including the children we carpooled with, we were healthy. Here are two great tips that will help you stay healthy:

1. Emergen-C Packets
2. Green food drinks

Emergen-C Packets are packets of 1,000 mg of vitamin C, and can be dissolved in water. I like to carry them around in your pocket, and I always make sure that I travel with a couple of packets. They taste great, and the best part is that children love them. You can purchase them in several different flavors. They are really easy to use. All you have to do is pour the packet in a small glass of water and then drink. I make sure that I take a packet when I am feeling the slightest bit of a bug coming on. They work quickly and effective to knock out the stirrings of an illness.

Green food drinks might sound a bit unappetizing, but some of them are quite tasty. You might have to try a couple to find what works for you. However, the already prepared green drinks tend to taste better. You can usually purchase them in your local supermarket, or health food store. They can be a bit pricey, but so can illness. Both of my girls enjoy drinking them. Giordana will drink them all by herself if I do not watch her. She drinks about one a day to keep her healthy. Green drinks contain anti-oxidants, and super foods. The super foods are spirulina, wheat grass, barley grass, blue green algae, and chlorella. If your green drink contains any of these, you are on the right track. Super foods help to strengthen and detoxify the body.

As you try out your new tips toward health, please remember to play and be happy. Check back soon for more tips.

Instead of a New Year’s Resolution Try a New Year's Intention

What is a New Year’s resolution anyway? They seem to always start the same, and end the same, not happening. I think that they are something that we create to set ourselves up for failure. How many people do you know that actually achieve their resolution? I often wonder, why come the first day of the year do we set New Year’s Resolutions? Why do we always wait until another year passes before we have the courage to make a change? It is as if the New Year carries a sort of mystical magic that will assist us in following through with what we cannot obtain at any other time of the year. It seems to be the time to lose weight, start a new exercise regimen, make more money, and start eating healthy. At least these are the most common resolutions. All of these things signify that we have spent a whole year ignoring, or not liking ourselves. Come the New Year I will be better. Resolutions only set us up for failure. The key ingredient that is missing is Intention. Resolutions tend to be wishes, but just like all of the stories that offered the magic wish with one rub of the magic lamp; if we do not set a clear intention then we end up with something that we clearly are not wanting. We also do not consider the time, energy, and effort that goes into what we wish. We just want it to happen without considering all of the possibilities. This year how about instead of setting a resolution, set an intention. An intention is much more powerful, and says to the universe, I want, and I am ready to have that thing that I am wanting. I am ready to accept and receive. Intentions clear out the clutter that prevents you from having your best. There is also no such thing as failing an intention. Intentions set in motion the shift that is required for you to change, heal, and grow. When you fulfill an intention, you have arrived. It is the difference between buying that designer bag, and having the knock off. Intentions are solid, and create mental and emotional changes that will assist you in facilitating what you are wanting. I have watched people fail at New Year’s resolutions, because they are missing the mindset and the inner connection that is necessary to achieve the goal. Many times resolutions have us doing things that we do not like. We think we have to do this one thing. Get over the fact that we do not like it, so that we can achieve our goals. Intentions create the balance, and help us see that we are forcing instead of flowing with the creative energy necessary to create. To set an intention go to a quiet place; sit down with a pen and a piece of paper. Write down what it is that you desire. Why you want this desire, and why you believe you should have it. Instead of setting, an intention for the whole year set it for the day, the week, or the month. The point is to make the transition of your goal shorter so that it is more obtainable. As you get better at it, you can set larger intentions. Start with the smaller things. For example, let us say you want to set an intention of making your bed everyday. Do you want to achieve this because it makes your room neat and tidy, orb because it gives you a clear feeling when you enter your room, and your room is your sanctuary? What you are really saying is that you want to feel clear. The intention on the clarity will assist you in following through on making your bed. The intention brings you to the why, and what you are really wanting. So, find that quiet corner, relax, take a couple of deep breaths, and start having a conversation with your higher self on what you really want to create. You may be amazed at the results.

Women Who Are Nameless, But Not Without Names

When I look at them, I see myself. I know that I was once them, and a part of me still is. I also know that I am them and they are me. They are the women who are nameless, but not without names. These women have eating disorders. I do not have an eating disorder, nor have I ever. I have just learned that the line between women who do, and women who do not, is very thin. We are all vulnerable to this illness if we do not pay attention. Any of us are prone to crossing that line. You do not even realize that you have crossed it until it is too late. Of course, may of theses women have had lives that have pushed them over the edge, but sometimes I think that for women that is very common. Why some cross, and others do not is a mystery.

I work with the women who are nameless, teaching them tangible skills to assist them in releasing the anxieties that keep them bound. I offer them tools that will assist them in reconnecting back to their bodies in a positive way. I am not a therapist; therefore, everything that I do is experiential. However, I have received many thank you notes from patients regarding my work that confirms it.

These women are nameless, because eating disorders is something that we want to ignore, act as though it does not exist. It is happening in every culture. Yes, in women of color. It is also happening in men. Eating disorders was once thought to be an illness amongst white women. However, it has spread like wild fire to us all. Women may have some cultural differences, but I have learned that the core of who we are as women is the same no matter where we are from. We are naïve to a disorder that is capturing so many women and girls. This woman or girl could be your sister, your neighbor, even your mother. They are women without names, because we have to keep it that way. Women who are nameless are without names, because we do not really want to know who they are, and we do not understand it. Many would prefer to act as if they did not exist; after all, they are just women. However, to me they will always have names. You see they are Barbara and Brenda, Sharon and Sue, Tanya and Olivia, Keisha and Louise. They are Betty, LaKeisha, Theresa, Michelle, Donna, Anna, April, and Karen and you. They are all of us.

I have had such an amazing pleasure of working with them. I look into their faces and I see myself. There is me when I was resentful, there was me when I was in pain, me when I was trying to fit it, me when I wanted to be accepted, me when I was not comfortable with myself, me that wanted to be loved and me that was scared. There are many other parts of me that I see in them. They are all of us. Haven’t we all been those things? They are also brave and warm, fun and daring, exciting and charming, and beautiful. We are all of those things, women are. It is easy to take an eating disorder and think that a woman who walks around with it is different than we are. However, she is not. From my perspective, what I see is a symptom that has manifested itself into something very painful. Some of us hide and some of us cry. We all want to be noticed and powerful. Some of us have the courage to believe that we can and some of us do not feel strong enough. Our symptoms to this desire of wanting to be loved, needed, wanted, and noticed manifests in different ways. We think that eating disorders is all about being thin, but it goes so much deeper than that. Many of these women have been abused beyond imagine. Some lost the connection to their hearts, the connection that tells them that they are worth more than gold. Society has decided that thin is what is beautiful. At least some think so. And, if we are one of the beautiful ones don’t we get the things we want? Some of us think so. I really believe that all women are striving for the same thing. However, somewhere along the way we have lost our connection to ourselves. We have lost the connection to the feminine within us. This feminine is our birthright as women. We have forgotten that the mother expresses herself in many ways. We are the mothers, sisters, daughters, healers, teachers, leaders as well as the whores and the prostitutes. I love the whores and the prostitutes. When we connect to the feminine, we grow to understand that it is o.k. to be any and all facets of woman. The prostitute exists as an archetype within all of us. All of theses women exist within us. There is no separation. We have just lost our way. There use to be a time when we sat together in community and shared with one another. We supported our endeavors, hopes, dreams, as well as our pain. We got past the difficult parts of our lives, because of each other. I watch these women with eating disorders that they call Ed struggle in their pain. One day they think that they have it, the next they don’t. Don’t we all feel that way? I think that it is interesting that they gave it the name of Ed. Isn’t that a man’s name? Why do we all seem to struggle with connecting to the masculine? Before you go thinking that I dislike men, and that I am about to rant about them. Don’t. I love men. It really isn’t about that. I think that it is more about we stopped liking ourselves.

Working with the women who are nameless has been an amazing journey for me. I have laughed and cried. I have been scared beyond terrified. It has made me dig deep within myself to places that I was afraid to go. There were caves inside of me that needed the doors blown open. I have become stronger.

There was a day that I sat with them in a circle, and we talked about the goddess archetype, about the mother. It seemed fitting to talk about the power that inherently exists within us, the power of women. We talked about her curves, her strength her insanity and her gentleness. Yes, this comes from one women, us. It was strange sitting with them. I felt community. I was the other in each one of them. I know that many of them felt the mother within them, while others thought that I was nuts. It did not matter. That is the way that life is. The women who are nameless excite me and give me strength. They teach me to remember just as I teach them. I was always taught that when you heal others you are healing yourself. The women who are nameless, but not without names have helped me heal, and grow. When we are ill, in the dark and searching for the power within us both the Mother still shines brightly. We just keep looking outside of ourselves thinking we will find her, when they she is inside of us. There is no other way to tap into her than by connecting from within. I believe that many of the women without names found a connection that day.

As you continue to move through your world, I hope that you will open your heart. Connect to the women around you. They just might be one of the ones that are nameless. Eating disorders is a very serious illness, and requires medical attention. Please do not be one of the ones that ignores the women who are nameless. For more information, please visit www.renfrewcenter.com.