Assumptions

"I apologize in advance for the length"

I am in charge of picking up two other children from school, other than my daughter everyday. Ahh!, the life of a carpool Mom. It actually allows me the privilege to so many wonderful conversations. It offers the opportunity to share and teach them in a way that is casual without them realizing that I am teaching them. I love the conversations. I learn and they learn. They have incredible imaginations and ideas of how the world should be. I am one of those Moms that if I hear someone say something that is not right I get excited, because there is a new found opportunity to demonstrate something different. On this particular day my daughter Giordana and the other girl in the car (let us call her Jane) were discussing the other child (let us call him Jake) not liking another kid. Both Jane and Giordana have very strong personalities. The discussion started to become an argument, until I put a halt to it. This was indeed a great opportunity for the three of us to have a conversation about assumptions. Jane and Giordana insisted that they knew how Jake felt. Now, how could they possibly be certain if neither one of them is Jake? Jake had already been dropped off at home, and was not there to put his two cents in. I pointed out to the girls that neither one of them could be certain. They were assuming that they knew. So much trouble comes from assumptions. We always like to be right, so much so that we are capable of stepping inside of another person, and knowing exactly what they are thinking and feeling. I explained to the two young ones that they were not Jake, their little argument was senseless, and by the way what difference does it make anyway. I asked them why they were spending so much energy on what Jake felt and thought. Neither Jane nor Giordana answered. What was more interesting to me was that I realized that we do this as adult’s everyday. Don’t we? We spend a lot of time assuming to know and, discussing what someone else did, why they did it, what made them do it and so on. We like to analyze everything down to the ground instead of putting the attention on ourselves, and what would we like to create in our own lives. My experience has taught me that what is really happening in these situations is that no one wants to talk about the elephant in the room. Jane and Giordana were beginning to have an argument, because it was easier to argue than for them to discuss their pain. In simplest terms, they both have issues. They irritate each other. They have never had a discussion in regards to what bothers them about the other. They have just ignored it. Now, poor Jake is in the middle of them. Sound familiar? We many times lose our seniority to other people and then resent them for having it. We let things go that are really not o.k. We many times do not feel respected by others and we let it go. We do not feel appreciated and harbor resentment. Then when a situation occurs, we can talk and talk about them forever trying to figure out what makes them tick. We pull the incidents a part. Women especially do this with men. We do not want to rock the boat so we let it go with an excuse for his behavior. We do not really make our needs known, but assume that everyone knows what we need. We think if I am really good then they will finally notice me and they will want to give me time, love and appreciation. News flash! It does not work that way, and never will.

When you assume so much about another, you have really walked away from yourself. Your responsibility is you. If your energy is wrapped up in, assuming it is not in your creations. Never assume that you know what is going on with another person or, how he or she feels. You never really know. People hide all kinds of things about themselves. Instead, how about trying to feel allowing, and allow those people to be who they are no matter what. When you are allowing you also give yourself a gift. You can stand in your power. It is exhausting assuming what we do not know. Instead try being certain. You will gain energy and learn how to manage yourself.