Names and Labels

Recently the memory of one of my ex-boyfriends has been popping into my head often. I am not one to walk down memory lane and dream about the past. Therefore, when a memory keeps flashing before me I pay attention. It is always for a good reason. There is a lesson to learn. Anyway, this ex of mine, I always thought that he was very intelligent, and had a lot to offer the world. He appeared to be quite friendly to others, but the truth was the exact opposite. You know when you meet someone how one of the fist questions that they always ask is what do you do? Well, he had a standard answer for everyone. He would always say that he was a “Jack of all trades and Master of None”. I could not understand why he would respond with this answer. He had a very interesting, at times dangerous occupation. There were times that this response would so irritate me. Why could he just not say what he did? What was so wrong with it? Why did he have to hide? I now realize that this response had two agendas. It prevented him from making a true connection to others and he had a lack of value for himself. When we ask each other what it is that we do, we are basically asking, who are you? When he was asked that question, you would feel his energy drop. I would watch him start to shift from one foot to the other. He would take a deep breath and give his answer as if it was a chant. It was like his mantra. Imagine chanting that all of the time like your mantra. How would that manifest? How would that make you feel? A jack-of-all-trades and master-of-none. I want to be the Master of my universe, or should I say the Mistress of my universe. I like that better. Pondering on the why of his answer it hit me that perhaps he could not answer that question, because he had not answered it for himself. He did not know who he was or who he wanted to be. Then it also occurred to me that most of us are just like that. In fact, we spend most of our time drumming up labels for ourselves and accepting those that others have given us. We become so encumbered by it all that we lose our space, and end up moving through the world completely disconnected. Who am I? Where am I? These are the infamous questions that we are always asking, and our hearts are always answering, but we cannot hear the answer.

These labels tend to cause so much trouble. We end up caught in between the nothing and the something. Between what will make us something and thinking that, we are nothing. Many of us end up choosing the nothing. Those of us that choose the something many times wake up feeling nothing. If only we realized that, we already are everything. I have never enjoyed when I had to explain who I was. I especially hated the moments in workshops when we went around the room to say our names and tell a little about ourselves. What about those times when we had to hold hands in a circle and sing? Hated it. Those were the times that the veil that covered who I was might get unhinged and slip. I was never ready fro that. However, through much growth I have learned to let the veil go, and walk through the world. Thank goodness. I now realize that holding on to that veil was way too much work. I now have the same introduction exercise in my own workshops. Introduction helps the group connect so that we can embark on the learning journey together. Still, I remember how difficult it was. My difficulty was from not being able to define myself. No label or name ever seemed enough. I was also not comfortable wearing my own skin. I was afraid that I would be seen as a fraud, shunned, or chastised. It now all seems so silly. Now, I know that all of these feeling of fear associated with names and labels were my lack of acceptance of all of the parts of me. There were parts that I was afraid of sharing. Parts that I was ashamed of revealing. Parts that I felt weak about. Parts that others saw when they looked at me. Parts of me that others held expectations of. Even parts that I had not yet discovered. When asked to talk about me I simply could not begin. There were too many voices of the pieces of me hiding in the shadows and screaming in my ears all at once. I use to be worried about what others would think if they really knew who I was. I have gained the knowledge over time that I am not the only one that has carried this burden of fear. This is part of the journey of Self. This is part of the journey that reconnects you back to the Creator. As we go through life, we must pick up our parts along the way and integrate them back into the whole of who we are. We must accept in order to surrender and then we can begin our connection back home to the source. Stepping onto the path also means taking all of you with you. It is being o.k. with the shadows and the demons. Being o.k. with the diva and the chauvinist. We are already all of these things and then some. We like to believe that as we grow, heal, and learn how to connect on a deeper level that we stop being the princess, the prince the whore and the bitch. However, what really happens is that we accept them as being part of who we are. We let go of the shame. I know you are thinking that it is not o.k. to be these things. I will tell you that it is. The problem lies in how we express them. Each role and label comes with a shadow, and comes with a lesson. Embrace the lesson you shift the shadow. My ex was a “Jack of all Trades and Master of None”. He chose to hide himself in the shadows. He could not receive or express his divine gifts. He really did not want to be noticed, and seen. We spent many nights having conversations about if people really knew what he was capable of and who he was they would not admire or like him. Haven’t we all felt that way? The truth is we admire the one that can admit that, because we see them as courageous. The prostitute, the whore, the slut, the diva, the brat prince, the chauvinist, the saint, the servant, the nun, and the holy man, are all rolled up into one. There is no separation between them. Why is someone a prostitute? Think about it. The prostitute most likely does not feel loved and valued. The prostitute lacks the ability to receive therefore she/he cannot give themselves. We have all been there at one point or another. However, through the archetype prostitute we can find value in ourselves.

The labels that we have for ourselves or the labels that we are given can sometimes bring confusion and pain. They can set us up. We at times feel that we have to live up to them, and cannot. We sometimes feel that we must prove that we are the labels that we are using to tell the world who we are. I express the creator through every act and every deed. I am already living my purpose and my destiny. The labels that others have set for me do not matter. This also holds true for your labels. It really does not matter how we are viewed or seen. I ask to be a channel of light and to be seen with integrity. What matters is that I take all of the part of me wherever I go. What matters is that I can say hello to the shadows of myself, the prostitute, the whore, the victim, the murderer as well as the saint, the healer, the nurturer and the mother along with all of the others. I have learned many things from all of them, and when we sit down and have a party, we laugh and cry the same tears. We hold each other’s hands in joy and sadness. When we do this, we feel an amazing energy of light. It is the hum in the universe. We can feel and see the path. The best part is now we can step on the path and hang on, because we have each other. Together we make a whole. Together we have wisdom. Together we can hear and listen. Together we can love. Together we have healed.