Women Who Are Nameless, But Not Without Names

When I look at them, I see myself. I know that I was once them, and a part of me still is. I also know that I am them and they are me. They are the women who are nameless, but not without names. These women have eating disorders. I do not have an eating disorder, nor have I ever. I have just learned that the line between women who do, and women who do not, is very thin. We are all vulnerable to this illness if we do not pay attention. Any of us are prone to crossing that line. You do not even realize that you have crossed it until it is too late. Of course, may of theses women have had lives that have pushed them over the edge, but sometimes I think that for women that is very common. Why some cross, and others do not is a mystery.

I work with the women who are nameless, teaching them tangible skills to assist them in releasing the anxieties that keep them bound. I offer them tools that will assist them in reconnecting back to their bodies in a positive way. I am not a therapist; therefore, everything that I do is experiential. However, I have received many thank you notes from patients regarding my work that confirms it.

These women are nameless, because eating disorders is something that we want to ignore, act as though it does not exist. It is happening in every culture. Yes, in women of color. It is also happening in men. Eating disorders was once thought to be an illness amongst white women. However, it has spread like wild fire to us all. Women may have some cultural differences, but I have learned that the core of who we are as women is the same no matter where we are from. We are naïve to a disorder that is capturing so many women and girls. This woman or girl could be your sister, your neighbor, even your mother. They are women without names, because we have to keep it that way. Women who are nameless are without names, because we do not really want to know who they are, and we do not understand it. Many would prefer to act as if they did not exist; after all, they are just women. However, to me they will always have names. You see they are Barbara and Brenda, Sharon and Sue, Tanya and Olivia, Keisha and Louise. They are Betty, LaKeisha, Theresa, Michelle, Donna, Anna, April, and Karen and you. They are all of us.

I have had such an amazing pleasure of working with them. I look into their faces and I see myself. There is me when I was resentful, there was me when I was in pain, me when I was trying to fit it, me when I wanted to be accepted, me when I was not comfortable with myself, me that wanted to be loved and me that was scared. There are many other parts of me that I see in them. They are all of us. Haven’t we all been those things? They are also brave and warm, fun and daring, exciting and charming, and beautiful. We are all of those things, women are. It is easy to take an eating disorder and think that a woman who walks around with it is different than we are. However, she is not. From my perspective, what I see is a symptom that has manifested itself into something very painful. Some of us hide and some of us cry. We all want to be noticed and powerful. Some of us have the courage to believe that we can and some of us do not feel strong enough. Our symptoms to this desire of wanting to be loved, needed, wanted, and noticed manifests in different ways. We think that eating disorders is all about being thin, but it goes so much deeper than that. Many of these women have been abused beyond imagine. Some lost the connection to their hearts, the connection that tells them that they are worth more than gold. Society has decided that thin is what is beautiful. At least some think so. And, if we are one of the beautiful ones don’t we get the things we want? Some of us think so. I really believe that all women are striving for the same thing. However, somewhere along the way we have lost our connection to ourselves. We have lost the connection to the feminine within us. This feminine is our birthright as women. We have forgotten that the mother expresses herself in many ways. We are the mothers, sisters, daughters, healers, teachers, leaders as well as the whores and the prostitutes. I love the whores and the prostitutes. When we connect to the feminine, we grow to understand that it is o.k. to be any and all facets of woman. The prostitute exists as an archetype within all of us. All of theses women exist within us. There is no separation. We have just lost our way. There use to be a time when we sat together in community and shared with one another. We supported our endeavors, hopes, dreams, as well as our pain. We got past the difficult parts of our lives, because of each other. I watch these women with eating disorders that they call Ed struggle in their pain. One day they think that they have it, the next they don’t. Don’t we all feel that way? I think that it is interesting that they gave it the name of Ed. Isn’t that a man’s name? Why do we all seem to struggle with connecting to the masculine? Before you go thinking that I dislike men, and that I am about to rant about them. Don’t. I love men. It really isn’t about that. I think that it is more about we stopped liking ourselves.

Working with the women who are nameless has been an amazing journey for me. I have laughed and cried. I have been scared beyond terrified. It has made me dig deep within myself to places that I was afraid to go. There were caves inside of me that needed the doors blown open. I have become stronger.

There was a day that I sat with them in a circle, and we talked about the goddess archetype, about the mother. It seemed fitting to talk about the power that inherently exists within us, the power of women. We talked about her curves, her strength her insanity and her gentleness. Yes, this comes from one women, us. It was strange sitting with them. I felt community. I was the other in each one of them. I know that many of them felt the mother within them, while others thought that I was nuts. It did not matter. That is the way that life is. The women who are nameless excite me and give me strength. They teach me to remember just as I teach them. I was always taught that when you heal others you are healing yourself. The women who are nameless, but not without names have helped me heal, and grow. When we are ill, in the dark and searching for the power within us both the Mother still shines brightly. We just keep looking outside of ourselves thinking we will find her, when they she is inside of us. There is no other way to tap into her than by connecting from within. I believe that many of the women without names found a connection that day.

As you continue to move through your world, I hope that you will open your heart. Connect to the women around you. They just might be one of the ones that are nameless. Eating disorders is a very serious illness, and requires medical attention. Please do not be one of the ones that ignores the women who are nameless. For more information, please visit www.renfrewcenter.com.

The Loss of A Child's Imagination

What has happened to the pink horses, fairies, and goblins that existed when I was a child? Walking down the hallways of school’s I hear a lot of things, children’s voices, the laughter, and the awe. However, I am growing accustomed to hearing another sound. There is the sound of parents complaining about teachers, and teachers complaining about parents. The parents say that the teachers are not teaching their children or paying attention to them. The teachers are complaining that parents are not involved. As for the children, they are starting to sound like the adults. They are distant, and distracted. Whose fault is it that our children are no longer engaged? Some would say that it is testing; some would say that it is the lack of experience of our teachers or that they simply no longer care. I believe that children are no longer allowed to be children. Testing, our expectations, and our baggage have gotten in the way of that. We are the problem, all of us. We have stopped connecting on a level that is necessary to teach children how to dream and use their imagination. I have sat in groups with children and asked them to tell me about their dreams. I hear I want a Nintendo, or I do not know. How is it that we have simply forgotten how to allow the exploration of a fundamental principal, the imagination? It takes me several attempts before the children gain an understanding of imagination. They do not know what I am talking about. If I tell them to close their eyes and imagine something, what they imagine is having more money, getting a Gameboy, or eating Gummi Bears. Children are being taught that imagination and dreams are silly and to go sit in their boxes. I once stood in front of a classroom of 4th and 5th graders, and asked them to close their eyes. I told them that once they close their eyes they would be able to see magic. They looked at me and told me that they did not believe in magic. When I was a child, I could not wait for Sunday nights to watch a wonderful world of Disney. I wanted to see magic, sparkles, and dreams come true.


What kind of future are we creating without the idea of pink horses? Without pink horses, where does the visionary or the alchemist exist? Where will the Einstein’s and the George Elliot’s come from? What about Picasso and Monet, We all know that the skies in a Monet painting are not really that color, or are they? In one classroom, I worked with a child that simply fell asleep on a constant basis. I was told that he had narcolepsy. However, when I asked him what he dreamed about when he slept, his eyes brightened, he cracked a great big grin, and could not stop talking. I had never seen him with so much energy, and enthusiasm. Perhaps it is not narcolepsy that puts him to sleep, but boredom. He has not been engaged where it counts, in his imagination. I believe that we are failing our children, by not plugging into what is so great about being a child. Children have the ability to see what we cannot.


I have approached schools about starting programs that will really speak to children. The administrators want to stick the program into a special club, or they do not have the funds or the time. How could there not be a place for dreams and imagination. These are the ingredients for building a strong character. After all, if you do not have a dream how can you change the world. How can we create better cars or a new power source? If they tap into their imagination, and begin to use it they are told that they are being silly and need to grow up. We have stopped using our imaginations, and intuitions. We have stopped dreaming. Look at the results. We are living in a world that fear has over taken. Faeries and pink horses are needed to create what can be imagined. Faeries and pink horses are needed to change the fear. Hope is based on these ingredients. Change happens when we can see the impossible. The impossible is only obtainable when we allow ourselves to connect to our imagination, and ride the pink horses.