Names and Labels

Recently the memory of one of my ex-boyfriends has been popping into my head often. I am not one to walk down memory lane and dream about the past. Therefore, when a memory keeps flashing before me I pay attention. It is always for a good reason. There is a lesson to learn. Anyway, this ex of mine, I always thought that he was very intelligent, and had a lot to offer the world. He appeared to be quite friendly to others, but the truth was the exact opposite. You know when you meet someone how one of the fist questions that they always ask is what do you do? Well, he had a standard answer for everyone. He would always say that he was a “Jack of all trades and Master of None”. I could not understand why he would respond with this answer. He had a very interesting, at times dangerous occupation. There were times that this response would so irritate me. Why could he just not say what he did? What was so wrong with it? Why did he have to hide? I now realize that this response had two agendas. It prevented him from making a true connection to others and he had a lack of value for himself. When we ask each other what it is that we do, we are basically asking, who are you? When he was asked that question, you would feel his energy drop. I would watch him start to shift from one foot to the other. He would take a deep breath and give his answer as if it was a chant. It was like his mantra. Imagine chanting that all of the time like your mantra. How would that manifest? How would that make you feel? A jack-of-all-trades and master-of-none. I want to be the Master of my universe, or should I say the Mistress of my universe. I like that better. Pondering on the why of his answer it hit me that perhaps he could not answer that question, because he had not answered it for himself. He did not know who he was or who he wanted to be. Then it also occurred to me that most of us are just like that. In fact, we spend most of our time drumming up labels for ourselves and accepting those that others have given us. We become so encumbered by it all that we lose our space, and end up moving through the world completely disconnected. Who am I? Where am I? These are the infamous questions that we are always asking, and our hearts are always answering, but we cannot hear the answer.

These labels tend to cause so much trouble. We end up caught in between the nothing and the something. Between what will make us something and thinking that, we are nothing. Many of us end up choosing the nothing. Those of us that choose the something many times wake up feeling nothing. If only we realized that, we already are everything. I have never enjoyed when I had to explain who I was. I especially hated the moments in workshops when we went around the room to say our names and tell a little about ourselves. What about those times when we had to hold hands in a circle and sing? Hated it. Those were the times that the veil that covered who I was might get unhinged and slip. I was never ready fro that. However, through much growth I have learned to let the veil go, and walk through the world. Thank goodness. I now realize that holding on to that veil was way too much work. I now have the same introduction exercise in my own workshops. Introduction helps the group connect so that we can embark on the learning journey together. Still, I remember how difficult it was. My difficulty was from not being able to define myself. No label or name ever seemed enough. I was also not comfortable wearing my own skin. I was afraid that I would be seen as a fraud, shunned, or chastised. It now all seems so silly. Now, I know that all of these feeling of fear associated with names and labels were my lack of acceptance of all of the parts of me. There were parts that I was afraid of sharing. Parts that I was ashamed of revealing. Parts that I felt weak about. Parts that others saw when they looked at me. Parts of me that others held expectations of. Even parts that I had not yet discovered. When asked to talk about me I simply could not begin. There were too many voices of the pieces of me hiding in the shadows and screaming in my ears all at once. I use to be worried about what others would think if they really knew who I was. I have gained the knowledge over time that I am not the only one that has carried this burden of fear. This is part of the journey of Self. This is part of the journey that reconnects you back to the Creator. As we go through life, we must pick up our parts along the way and integrate them back into the whole of who we are. We must accept in order to surrender and then we can begin our connection back home to the source. Stepping onto the path also means taking all of you with you. It is being o.k. with the shadows and the demons. Being o.k. with the diva and the chauvinist. We are already all of these things and then some. We like to believe that as we grow, heal, and learn how to connect on a deeper level that we stop being the princess, the prince the whore and the bitch. However, what really happens is that we accept them as being part of who we are. We let go of the shame. I know you are thinking that it is not o.k. to be these things. I will tell you that it is. The problem lies in how we express them. Each role and label comes with a shadow, and comes with a lesson. Embrace the lesson you shift the shadow. My ex was a “Jack of all Trades and Master of None”. He chose to hide himself in the shadows. He could not receive or express his divine gifts. He really did not want to be noticed, and seen. We spent many nights having conversations about if people really knew what he was capable of and who he was they would not admire or like him. Haven’t we all felt that way? The truth is we admire the one that can admit that, because we see them as courageous. The prostitute, the whore, the slut, the diva, the brat prince, the chauvinist, the saint, the servant, the nun, and the holy man, are all rolled up into one. There is no separation between them. Why is someone a prostitute? Think about it. The prostitute most likely does not feel loved and valued. The prostitute lacks the ability to receive therefore she/he cannot give themselves. We have all been there at one point or another. However, through the archetype prostitute we can find value in ourselves.

The labels that we have for ourselves or the labels that we are given can sometimes bring confusion and pain. They can set us up. We at times feel that we have to live up to them, and cannot. We sometimes feel that we must prove that we are the labels that we are using to tell the world who we are. I express the creator through every act and every deed. I am already living my purpose and my destiny. The labels that others have set for me do not matter. This also holds true for your labels. It really does not matter how we are viewed or seen. I ask to be a channel of light and to be seen with integrity. What matters is that I take all of the part of me wherever I go. What matters is that I can say hello to the shadows of myself, the prostitute, the whore, the victim, the murderer as well as the saint, the healer, the nurturer and the mother along with all of the others. I have learned many things from all of them, and when we sit down and have a party, we laugh and cry the same tears. We hold each other’s hands in joy and sadness. When we do this, we feel an amazing energy of light. It is the hum in the universe. We can feel and see the path. The best part is now we can step on the path and hang on, because we have each other. Together we make a whole. Together we have wisdom. Together we can hear and listen. Together we can love. Together we have healed.

God Is

I had the fortunate opportunity to be invited to a friend’s house for dinner where I met a man that was presently attending seminary school, studying to be a minister. This was an extraordinary divinely ordered event. This meeting was an answer to both of our many questions. He was questioning how to feel God, and I was learning how to allow others to believe what they may, be comfortable with who I am, and where I have been in a community that was not so open. We engaged in a stimulating conversation about religion vs. spirituality. Living in the Bible Belt of North Carolina, I have often been placed in situations where I was amongst individuals with a strong Christian faith. I grew up in a community of many different faiths. Living in Charlotte, I have not always received a warm welcome when I have shared a different spiritual point of view.

I was raised Catholic and studied many different religions including Buddhism, Judaism, Hinduism, Shamanism and Wicca looking for a faith that really clicked. I have prayed with healers, medicine men, priests, and priestesses. I was ordained as a green witch and an ordained minister. I have finally come to a place in my journey that I am very secure and safe in my spiritual faith. I was sitting across the table from someone that held very different spiritual ideals from my own. As a yoga teacher I was already labeled to have a different set of spiritual values. Gratefully we both saw it as opportunity to share and learn something different.

Most recently, the creator eloquently taught me a lesson that required me to heal my fear of having a different spiritual faith. I use to have a fear that if I shared my beliefs I would be stoned to death as in ancient times. This meeting of minds was an opportunity to see if I had healed this fear as well as an opportunity to cement my healing. As a healer I understand that when we are uncomfortable, frustrated or in any situation that causes fear or anger, it is always about us not the other person. It is a chance for us to heal ourselves so that we may become whole.

The first question that this wonderful man asked me was if I believed that environment played a part in our awakening. If it was easier for someone that lived in an upper middle class setting to become enlightened than for someone who lives in the ghetto.

I smiled at him and answered no. Many people choose to believe that it is more difficult to connect to the divine because of poverty, but it simply is not true. The path to awakening the spiritual consciousness is the same for everyone. We may choose different experiences or events, but ultimately it is the same. It is a choice. We must desire to become awakened. We must desire to know more. It is not about what we have or do not have. A man of wealth can hire every guru or spiritual teacher, because he has the means to do so. However, that will not get him any closer than the man that does not have material wealth. It is true that the man that lives in a poverty stricken environment may have more struggles at times, but spiritual development is something that happens on the inside of us not on the outside. I have seen many ignorant sad and spirit poor wealthy people. They shop and spend trying to fill the void that is within them. They too sometimes turn to drugs and alcohol because they cannot find the cord that connects them back to the Creator. The person that lives in a poverty-stricken environment can spend their days worrying about money, but the Creator is no further away from them than the wealthy. Integrity of heart, surrender, and love, with an intention to connect has nothing to do with what you have. These are parts of someone’s character not circumstance. The drug dealer and the thief do not become who they are because they were in lack of material things. They become who they are because of their lack of Spirit. They lack the knowing that they can connect to the Creator. They lack the ability to listen to guidance. Nothing you materially have can give you this skill. It comes from silence, listening, intention and hearts desire.

The wonderful man quietly listened to my answer, but he was not convinced that it was right. I told him that my answer is something that I feel in my heart to be true. He too should feel it to be true, and if he did not it was o.k. I never expect others to believe what I say and follow. I always say to feel what I say, and see if there is a resonance. Your heart will guide you.

The next question he asked me was even more interesting than the first. Who is God? I had never been asked that question before. I do not really remember what I told him on the spot, but the question left me pondering for a couple of days. I have always just accepted God as being, and everything. One day, while driving home from a yoga class the answer finally became clear. I heard the answer God Is. There is simply nothing that God is not. I am sure that I have heard this before, but for some reason pop! It finally all made sense, and was very clear. We spend a lot of time upholding the importance that there is God, but we do not really accept God. If we did, we would then see that God is in everything and everyone. We are a manifestation of God. We express God in every action and every endeavor. However, to truly see, we must also accept that God is in the shadows of us all. God is both good as well as bad. Please do not misinterpret my saying that God is bad. I am simply saying that God Is. It all comes from God. This is a lot to accept and understand for many. We prefer to feel that God is just the sun shining and all of our good feelings, but if God is not also the opposite of all of this goodness then where did it come from? Living in the Bible belt, I hear a lot of talk about the devil. The devil did this and the devil tempts that. I firmly believe that these are all excuses for not paying attention to our shadows. It gives us a reason not to be o.k. It also makes us not o.k. This belief upholds expectations that we could never really live up to. It keeps us in what is called sin, and keeps us in hell. The shadows are what make us uncomfortable. They are the parts of ourselves that we want to desperately to ignore. The parts that we want no one to know about. However, without shadows we would not know what was light. Without the shadows, we would not really know joy and happiness. You cannot truly have one without the other. We cannot become complete unless we embrace the shadows instead of casting them away. You have to integrate the shadows so that you can become connected to all of life. Does a radio work with only one antenna? Can a car move with only three wheels? So, how can you grow with only some of your parts? How can you feel God with only some of the parts of yourself? You cannot ask God to ignore the parts that you have hidden. God Is. God knows. You know. Your body knows you are a part of God and God is a part of you. How can any part not be o.k.? God Is. For me knowing God is everything is freeing. It makes me and everything that I do o.k. I am just fine the way that I am. That does not mean that I will stop growing. It simply means that right now, in the present moment, I am great. I am God. God is Me. God is You. God Is Everything. God is Something. I am Great. God Is.

I am sure that some of you are wondering, well how can this be, or how can I feel what you are talking about. Have you ever leaned your back against a tree, and waited for it to talk to you? Nature is one-step towards this knowing. Nature bends to our will, but also will go around it. Nature keeps creating even though we beat it over and over. When one resource runs dry, nature creates another one to take its place. Try standing with your back against a tree. Ask to connect to it. If you are still and open, you will begin to feel heat coming off the tree. That is nature connecting with you. It is one of the many ways in which God speaks. One of the many ways that God Is.

When I was a child I use to enjoy sitting in old churches, and going to Pow Wows on Indian reservations. Two very different places, but in both I could feel the presence of God. In the church God emanated from the walls, at the reservations I felt God come from the earth, and the beat of the drum. I would find myself soaring in both places connecting to everything. Connecting to nothing that you could actually see with your eyes, but everything that you could see with your spirit. It was amazing. The native peoples would call this power places. Where is your place of power? It is the place that you can sit quietly and tune in. If you do not have one you can create a sacred power place. Put together an altar with some of your favorite things. You can include pictures of loved ones, symbols that connect you to and remind you of the creator. You can burn incense or light a candle. I have always found the lighting of the candle helped set my intention for the silence, the connecting, or the prayer. Make it special. Make it sacred and yours. Many cultures believe that on this altar there should be symbols and pictures that represent the ancestors. The ancestors are past relatives that came before you. It is an honoring of their path. It is also a way to connect to their energy so that they can guide you from the other side.

In kundalini yoga there is a mantra that is repeated over and over during the practice. It is Sat Nam (the pronunciation rhymes with but mom). It means I Am, or I Am Truth, I Am God. Try repeating this mantra over and over aloud with your eyes closed. Make it a meditation. You can even just chant I AM. Do this for about 15 minutes to a half an hour. You will begin to feel a shift of connection.

The Moses Code suggests the mantra I am That, I am. This is very similar to the kundalini chant. After watching the Moses Code, I understood the power of the kundalini mantra. I had been chanting Sat Nam for almost a year, and my life has shifted dramatically. So has my internal peace.

Whatever you do throughout your day, just try to take a moment and remember that God Is. Just say it. See if it resonates, if it does keep saying it. Keep remembering it. Spirit has the power to draw you close when you are not expecting it, because God Is.

I have danced and drummed under a full moon. I have prayed with the Christians in churches and Pagans at ritual circles. Yes, Pagan’s do pray, and no not to the devil. I have been ordained as a green witch and a minister. I have offered cornmeal and tobacco to the spirits and devas of nature in the tradition of my native ancestors. I have spread seeds at the cross roads for healing, and buried bones in the woods. I have shaken with the Holy Ghost; I have shaken with the shamans. I have traveled to the middle world to retrieve souls. I have spoken in-tongues, and I have been possessed by deities. I have called the Creator, God, Spirit, the Mother, the Goddess, the Creator, and the Great Spirit. The feeling of the Creator has been the same in all. What is different is the manner by which all of the different faiths have connected. The feeling of God is the same. God Is. The type of prayer does not matter it is the intention behind it. It does not matter how it is constructed or carried out. God is the same everywhere. God is everywhere and in all things. God Is.